i don't know what i'm supposed to do
by MoLea
Summary: He doesn't know how to stop it.


Honestly, it happened the way he always thought it would. A hostage situation, danger, and fear mixed with so much love he almost chokes on it. It takes everything he's got to remain calm when he finally finds her.

He's aware, so aware, that she doesn't need him to rescue her but he can't not look for her even if he had been half expecting her to have escaped and turn up, annoyed but well like the first time. But it doesn't happen and he can't find her and now days have passed and all he can feel is fear slowly tightening its fingers around his throat.

He gets Logan involved, even though he's next to useless, because he's not taking any chances with Kates life. He knows more people looking for her means a higher chance of them finding her. In the end, it's sheer luck stumbling across a shack in the middle of nowhere off a road he chose at the last second. She's tied up and asleep when he walks in though she starts awake when the door closes a little louder then he intended. She's bleary eyed and it's clear that she's been mistreated but she's blessedly whole and alive and he almost cries out in relief. She mumbles something but with her mouth covered he's not entirely sure what it is. Whoever was holding her apparently believed they were safe and far enough away from people because they've left her alone. He worries they'll return before he can safely get her away and it's this thought that snaps him back in the moment.

He's trembling as he moves over to her, untying her and he casts around for something to say but his wit fails him. The only thing running through his mind is a mantra of "She's alive, we need to get out of here, she's alive, we need to get out of here." He finally unravels the last knot and he helps her to her feet more because he has the overwhelming urge to touch her then because she needs it. She's shaking slightly as she takes her first couple steps but she continues to hold his hand so he's not complaining. The relief he feels that she's alive and within his reach is fading with the realization that they aren't safe yet.

He turns to look at Kate who, although looks more alert then before, is still moving like a baby deer. While normally she could hold her own in an altercation, he doesn't think she'd be able to now and he's worried she'd still try. So he makes her wait while he checks outside to make sure they don't have any company before ushering her out the door.

He moves them over to his horse and she must sense his urgency because she doesn't object to him lifting her into the saddle or make a comment when he swings himself up behind her. They move as quickly as he can manage without making too much noise in case whoever held her is lying in wait somewhere. He relishes the feeling of her in his arms as her head lolls against his shoulder. He knows she's asleep, can feel her even breaths against his cheek. He moves his head slightly to brush a kiss against her tangled hair knowing that he'd never get away with it if she were awake. It takes longer then he remembers but they make their way to Kates house without further incident.

He sees John come running out of the barn when he pulls his horse to a stop by her front step. He leans down to whisper softly in her ear, "Kate? We're home." She slowly opens her eyes and he almost stops breathing when she looks at him. He knows she's tired and relieved and even if she wouldn't admit it he knows she was a little bit frightened too. Her eyes are watery but she looks at him with trust and relief and something else that he really hopes is love. He forces himself to take a shaky breath and manages to give her a small smile well. He breathes a little easier when she returns it as John reaches up to help her off the horse. She slides off the horse slowly into Johns arms but her independence has reasserted itself because once her feet are the ground she gently pushes John away and starts to slowly pull herself up the steps. It takes him two seconds to reach her side but he doesn't know what to do with his hands now that she's coming back into herself so he just hovers awkwardly. He knows John is still nearby so without taking his eyes off Kate he leans back towards John to tell him to go to town and let Logan and his lackeys know that Kates safe at home. John doesn't respond but he can sense his nod and shortly after he hears the other man ride off.

He reaches the door before Kate but when he tries to open the door, Kate shoos his hands away so he steps back and lets her open it herself. She's moving easier now though he can tell that she's stiff and in pain.

He watches her get herself a glass of water and almost collapse in a chair. "Kate, why don't we get you into bed," he coaxes softly. She gives a slight nod as she finishes off her glass of water and pushes off the table to stand up. He starts to move towards her but stops short until she looks up at him. He sees that something in her eyes again but he almost misses it because she's holding her hand out to him and his heart stutters in his chest when he grasps it and she lets him walk her to the bedroom.

He doesn't want to cross any lines but he can't resist leading her to the bed and pulling down the covers while she sits to remove her shoes. She lays back on the bed before pulling the covers up, clothes and all. He wants to tell her that he loves her, that he doesn't know what he would do if he ever lost her. He knows that it would wreck everything they've built so instead he pushes down the words that are begging to come out of his mouth and turns to leave.

"Will" He's startled when he hears her voice because she's hardly spoken and it's wrong but he feels a sense of pride that his name is one of the first things he's heard her say since he found her. "Can you stay? Please?" He doesn't know how she doesn't see that he would do anything for her. There's no question of him leaving not that he would've left in the first place but he'd been prepared to fight her on it. Now she's asking him to stay with her and he can't say no, wouldn't ever say no, and suddenly those words are back, making him press his tongue to the roof of his mouth so all he can do is nod in response. He's in for a long night, sleeping in one of her dining room chairs but it's worth it knowing that she wants him there. Him. Will. He swells with pride. He can't help it.

"Could you-could you stay in here with me?" She clears her throat and softly pats the empty space in the bed next to her. "I really don't want to be alone right now."

He's pretty sure he's dreaming this now. The nightmare of the last few days and the sweetness of the last half an hour. He can feel the heat in his face but she's not looking at him, instead awkwardly choosing to look down at her lap, and he realizes he's been silent too long.

"Uh yeah-yeah of course I'll stay. If you want me to." He's stuttering, can't be smooth during the one time it counts. She doesn't seem to notice which he is thankful for.

She nods her head and shifts herself over to make more room which he takes as his cue to remove his jacket and shoes. He sets them on the floor at the end of the bed and gingerly sits down on the side she indicated.

She's not moving or looking at him, resolutely turned on her side facing the opposite direction, so he gets under the covers with her and lies down beside her. He keeps his distance though there's nothing he'd like more then to hold her. It's silent except for her breathing and it soothes him into relaxing. He doesn't even realize he's fallen asleep until he wakes up to soft kiss on his cheek and a warmth partially covering his chest. It's the best thing he's ever felt in his life which makes it difficult to control his breathing. He doesn't want her to retreat in embarrassment so he pretends to still be asleep. He doesn't know if she buys it but she doesn't move so he doesn't really care.

He knows, knows, _knows_ he won't get to keep her. Can feel it down to his bones, but it doesn't stop him from holding onto her as hard as he can, doesn't stop him from trying to postpone the inevitable for as long as possible. She's brilliant and beautiful and far too good a detective to be kept in Kansas City. His father or brother or a criminal will make a choice one day that will take her away from him. He doesn't know how to stop it.


End file.
